Therapy for imposter syndrome & perfectionism in San Diego & El Cajon, CA. In person & online.
Connect to your confidence. Silence your inner critic. Own your success.
It always feels like you are just one mistake away from being exposed as a fraud.
You are exhausted. You put so much pressure on yourself to meet your high standards at work and at home, but it never seems to be enough. Making mistakes terrifies you and you feel like you are not as competent as other people. You have gotten really good at talking yourself out of feeling proud about your successes and achievements.
Maybe you….
- are very sensitive to how other people react to you, worrying that they are judging or are angry with you.
- constantly expect something bad to happen.
- are so afraid of failing that you often procrastinate and then beat yourself up for not being productive enough.
- feel like you have to constantly prove yourself to others and always second guess yourself.
- have a hard time accepting praise and compliments.
Being so focused on proving yourself at work takes you away from your relationships and keeps you feeling guilty and isolated. But perfectionism and imposter syndrome show up not only when you are at work. You know you’ve stayed in some of your romantic relationships longer than you should have; feeling like leaving means you’ve failed. Your body feels all the self-imposed pressure you are under—you feel tired, struggle with sleep issues, and experience physical health problems.
You don’t have to push yourself to the point of burn out to prove your worth.
You don’t have to be perfect to be enough.
Freedom from perfectionism and imposter syndrome means increased confidence and belief in yourself. It means knowing that you can mess up and still be competent. It means achieving your goals not from a place of fear of being found out but from a place of empowered self-acceptance.
You can feel more grounded, have less anxiety, stop procrastinating, and not be so influenced by other people’s mood or reactions. Being less self-critical and less critical of others will help you build the strong and supportive relationships you deserve. You can become more efficient when you get a handle on procrastination, so “to do” lists and deadlines don’t keep you up at night anymore. You can get to a place where making a mistake doesn’t send you into a tailspin and you can gracefully take feedback from your colleagues and loved ones, building stronger bonds with others.
You don’t need to change who you are to overcome perfectionism and imposter syndrome. The answer lies in embracing and reconnecting with the strengths and resources you’ve always had within you.
We will begin by building trust and exploring where your perfectionism and imposter syndrome come from. We will identify and process past experiences where you learned and internalized perfectionistic “not good enough” messages which will allow you to reclaim your confidence. Therapy with me will provide you with effective tools to manage the painful emotions and anxiety that come with perfectionism. You can learn to handle stress and communicate in relationships.
Therapy for imposter syndrome and perfectionism can help you…
- Strengthen your confidence and internal belief of being “good enough.”
- Reduce anxiety and depression.
- Improve personal and professional relationships.
- Create a solid skill toolbox to help you feel at peace and in control.
- Move towards reaching your goals without being distracted by procrastination and fear of failure.
It is possible to achieve your goals without the constant pressure to be perfect.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: What causes perfectionism and imposter syndrome?
Perfectionism and imposter syndrome are like two sides of the same coin. They often come from a mix of things, like childhood experiences, personal temperament, and pressure from the world around you. If you were pushed to be perfect all the time growing up, or if you felt like you only received love when you did well, you might start to think being perfect is the only way to be okay. Also, some people are just naturally more anxious or worried about getting things right, and that can make them more likely to be perfectionists.
You can develop imposter syndrome even when you are really successful and good at what you do. Sometimes it happens because of stereotypes, like if people think girls aren’t good at math, you might start to believe that about yourself, too. It can also happen if you don’t get enough praise for your accomplishments, get criticized a lot, or if you’re always putting yourself down. The good news is that you can learn to overcome these things with the help of therapy.
Q: What are the signs of perfectionism?
Here are some ways perfectionism can show up in your everyday life:
- Negative feedback consumes you and can ruin your whole day. It often brings up strong feelings of shame that trigger a “fight or flight” response, like you’re in real danger.
- You compare yourself to others (mostly to people who you think are better than you in some way). This brings up feelings of inadequacy.
- You minimize your accomplishments.
- You are judgmental about yourself and others. To protect yourself from feelings of shame, you have disowned your human “weaknesses,” so “weakness” or “inadequacy” in others triggers your own fears of being “weak” or “inadequate.”
- You are scared of making mistakes because mistakes translate into “failure” in your head (see #8), and being a failure translates into the risk of getting abandoned/rejected by others.
- You procrastinate a lot because completing a task has a risk of making mistakes or failing, which means the world will see your “inadequacy.” The stakes are high no matter how small the task is!
- You believe you are not good enough. Toxic shame is at the base of perfectionism.
- Your thinking is black and white. All or nothing, no in-between.
Q: What is the best treatment for perfectionism and imposter syndrome?
There are multiple therapeutic approaches for addressing perfectionism and imposter syndrome, including Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Emotionally Focused Individual Therapy, Relational Gestalt Therapy, and trauma-informed methods like Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) and Internal Family Systems. Your therapist might pull from some or all of these modalities to tailor treatment to your specific needs. Common elements in these therapies that are especially helpful when dealing with perfectionism and imposter syndrome are: mindfulness practices to increase awareness, self-compassion to quiet the internal critic, and experiential strategies to help reduce fear of failure.