Emotions have a bad reputation. We even refer to some of them as “negative,” when in fact what we mean is “painful.” Anger, fear, shame, sadness don’t feel good and if we are not guided in regulating and co-regulating them early on in our lives,  we become really good at avoiding them.  For instance, a child who is shamed for feeling sad or angry, learns that in order to receive love and acceptance from his caregivers (or escape punishment) he needs to avoid expressing sadness/anger at all costs through numbing/dissociation,  perfectionism, internalized criticism, etc. Although these strategies help the child to function in his childhood circumstances, they tend to cause problems later on in adulthood.  It becomes a losing game to constantly try to run from “feeling bad.” We cant avoid feeling our feelings because they are largely physiological experiences. They are controlled by the Limbic System area of the brain. When the threat is detected in the environment, the Limbic System  gets activated and automatically sends messages to the  autonomic nervous system that regulates respiration, heart rate, muscle tone, blood pressure, digestion and to the adrenal system that’s responsible for our hormones. Considering this physiological nature of emotions,  the solution for regulating emotions also has to be rooted in physiology. We cant solve emotions with logic, reason, or pure will power. 

Here are some nervous system regulation strategies we can use to manage feelings that come up as a result of trauma triggers: 

1. Mindfulness  (helps to identify and name your feelings, thus giving you more control of them).

2. Grounding (allows to temporarily detach from emotional pain).

3. Abdominal breathing  (assists with returning to the parasympathetic state of the nervous system)

4. Visualization (aids in creating positive visceral experiences to counteract painful affect)

It is not a comprehensive list, but a good place to start.