The problem begins when we break this natural cycle. When instead of feeling our feelings, we intellectualize, deny, shame, or try to escape them. Avoiding feelings keeps them around, keeps them stuck, and intensifies them.

In fact, the paradoxical truth is: FULLY feeling our feelings helps them to subside.

Some common ways we avoid our feelings are: overthinking, controlling our environment, or distracting ourselves.

If emotions feel overwhelming at first, take several seconds at a time, just noticing them and moving away. Lingering couple of seconds longer each time, until you work your way to being able to sit  with your painful feelings without needing to escape them. Somatic Experience exercise called “pendulation” is a great tool to help you build your capacity and expand your . window of tolerance.

The 5-Step Process to Release Your Feelings

Step 1: Find a Safe Space 

Find a quiet and safe space where you are not going to be interrupted. This dedicated time allows you to turn your focus inward.

Step 2: Ground Yourself 

Take several deep breaths, or ground yourself in another way if breathing tends to be too activating.

• Grounding Options: You can try the “5 senses” exercise, feeling your “feet on the floor,” holding on to a piece of ice, or listening to a soothing sound.

   

Step 3: Step Back and Observe 

Turn your focus inward and just sense different parts of your body. This is about mindful, non-judgmental awareness.

• Key Action: Do this without naming your experiences, analyzing them, or trying to explain them.

   

Step 4: Add the Words to Your Experience 

Now you can identify and label your emotions, body sensations, urges, thoughts, and needs. This step moves the feeling from a pure sensation to something understandable.

Step 5: Allow for Expression 

Allow yourself to express your feelings without suppressing them. This is the necessary release that helps the wave recede.

• Methods of Expression: Writing, crying, screaming, art, movement, or somatic exercises.

   

Be Kind to Yourself

You feel what you feel because you are human, and you’re not alone in your experiences. Treat yourself with the same kindness you would offer to a friend.

Remember, feeling your feelings is a journey, and it’s okay to take it one step at a time.